I would like to share with you an important discovery that I have found in my life. I hope it is of help and encouragement to you. To explain what changed I now take you back to the time when I was much younger…
To all who knew me I was a “good” boy and I tried as best I could to be good – at least in front of others! I would pray regularly (I even tried to read through the bible), I went to church each week and I didn’t swear. But I always felt insecure with God (he knew my every thought and maybe my mum did too!).
I remember how I used to ride my bike to school along the road and some cars would get awfully close and I’d think my time was up. I would regularly pray to God, whenever I thought I might die, that God would forgive my sins. I was so scared of going to Hell because I had committed a “mortal” sin. For me, sin was the thing that bothered me the most – it seemed, the older I got the more I wanted things I could not have, the more I boasted of what I’d done, the more rude and stubborn I was becoming. I really felt like my life was on a balance scales with my good on one side for all to see and my bad mounting up on the other side, of course hidden by keeping a good appearance. But I knew the scale was tipping and it concerned me. Who will save me from myself?
I wanted to think I was good enough for Heaven. Why, if I compared myself to others, surely I would have to come out somewhere in the top half. That would be good enough, wouldn’t it? But still I was uneasy. I was brought up in the church. I knew that Jesus died on the cross for our sins but exactly how could I know that I was forgiven? I felt like it was a cycle of feeling guilty and then feeling forgiven. But all this was about to change for me as a series of “fortunate” events would unfold.
It all started with me locking the door of the house and leaving the key on the inside. I was stuck and all I could do was to wait until mum arrived home. So I sat there outside the door and along came a man to visit our neighbour. I explained that he wasn’t home but God was at work that day because that man felt something about me (I guess I was looking a bit lost!) and he began, from that day, to pray for me (as I would find out later).
Surprisingly, it wasn’t more than a week later than I met up with a young guy, Les, who really disturbed me. He had eyes that pierced me; he spoke gently but with such a genuine concern for me that I was drawn to know more and reminded of the precarious situation I felt in my relationship with God. He was very frank and seemed to know the Bible well. He spoke into the very concern I had but left me more desperate than before as he shared from the Bible how “men loved darkness instead of light because their deeds were evil … and will not come into the light for fear that his deeds will be exposed.” As he spoke and those deep loving eyes penetrated me I actually felt exposed – maybe he knew me and could see all my sins. And yet I was relieved and drawn – like it says “perfect love casts out fear.” I went from that chance meeting with a lot to think about …
During the next week I was given a school English assignment to interview someone and then compile the interview into a short article. I immediately thought of this guy whom I’d met – what I didn’t say earlier was that he had been a heroin addict and had only recently become a Christian. His was a remarkable story and I thought it would be an easy one to write on. I contacted Les (who was my neighbour’s brother) and a date was set. The interview was going well – I had lots of juicy material for my article but suddenly our conversation took a turn and got back onto me.
The question was asked whether, if I died tonight, I would go to Heaven? I could not say for sure; I only hoped so. Then it was explained to me that Jesus died to bring us to God; we cannot save ourselves. Just one sin is enough to separate us from God forever and nothing we do can ever pay for that. The only payment is death and this is why Jesus offered His life in our place on the cross. Now I’m sure I must have heard this before but somehow it was as if the clouds had just separated to reveal a glorious beam of light pouring into my soul. It was so strange and it seemed so simple to understand. I fell to my knees and was led in a simple prayer to make my salvation secure – I was filled with joy.
I am reminded now of the story in the Bible of a religious man named Nicodemus who came to Jesus at night and was told that unless he was born again he could not see the kingdom of God – that’s how it felt to me also.
There is a song by Keith Green that also describes my experience:
Like a foolish dreamer, trying to build a highway to the sky,
All my hopes would come tumbling down and I never knew just why.
Until today, when you pulled away the clouds that hung like curtains on my eyes,
Well I’ve been blind all these wasted years and I thought I was so wise,
But then you took me by surprise…
Like waking up from the longest dream,
How real it seemed
Until your love broke through.
I’ve been lost in a fantasy, that blinded me…
Until your love broke through.
I look back now on what seemed like such a simple step I took that night and think a little more of what I was going though at the time. My parents had just separated and I was hurting and feeling a little lost. I was looking for answers and not sure which direction to take. I was so glad that God sought me out in my time of need and gave me a secure base for my life. I have struggled at times to understand God’s love for me but what really convinced me was the care and embrace I found when I met with other Christians who never gave up on me.
If you were to consider your own life how do you think you would measure up? None of us are good enough to earn our way to God “for all have sinned and come short of the glory of God” but Jesus paid the price to bring us back into relationship with God.
If you would like to know more about Jesus, meet with others who know him or speak to me personally then you can contact me any time